Diary of an Online Dater
By Marisa Alioto Just what kind of single woman would attempt to meet a man online? Take it from my personal ad - it’s not who you might think. I’m a 28-year-old, gainfully employed brunette living in San Diego. My passions include my friends, traveling, eating great food and laughing. I am smart, witty and very liberal. Howard Stern is the first thing I listen to on my drive to work, and NPR is the last thing I listen to on my drive home. I’m Italian, and, yes, I do speak passionately with my hands. I dig various bands - and can’t get enough of the train wreck that is reality television. Attractive? Who online isn’t? While I am far from perfect, I can confidently say that I am quite a catch. Yet, I am still single. This could be your lucky day. I started this voyage of online dating after I had mourned my last relationship for over a year. I figured I needed to get back “out there” into the dating world. Meeting single men? Not easy when the majority of your friends are with their long-term boyfriends or girlfriends OR when you work in a female-dominated industry, where the only men around want nothing to do with me: Or any woman for that matter. I decided that in addition to bars and clubs, I had to give cyber-love a chance. I attacked the online dating world much like I would a job interview. I carefully researched sites (and their men) and created profiles accordingly. I found that Match.com and Craigslist provided the best “fits” to my dating criteria. Match.com offered thousands of profiles and pictures to suit different tastes, while Craigslist, an online classified community, discreetly offered offbeat personals at no cost. My first dates were nerve-wracking, but with time and practice, they got better. My shortest date was 45 minutes, which included dinner, while my longest was 16 hours. I met men who challenged me and my ideals, men who excited me and men who bored the living hell out of me. The dating process, also known as the “weeding out process,” exposed me to the good, the bad and the sometimes ugly. Whether you are a seasoned cyber-dater, or just breaking into the world of online dating, here are some tips to consider when searching through the testosterone-laden dating websites to meet a quality guy, if he even exists. Use common sense and trust your judgment. Be sure to exercise common sense when first communicating with your potential suitors because they are strangers! Meet in public places, bring a cell phone and let a friend know where you’ll be meeting someone. Use good judgment - if you have a bad feeling, it’s probably well-founded, so follow your instincts. Be selective. You are fabulous and you will be flooded with responses from potential suitors. Remember who you are and don’t lower your standards for anyone - you deserve nothing but the best. It’s easy to be too “nice” and continue to see or correspond with someone who truly is not a viable match. Do yourself (and him!) a favor and nip those situations in the bud before it becomes awkward. Go into every date with an open mind. Maybe you will meet the man of your dreams, or maybe you will meet the biggest loser on the planet. Either way, you will gain experience and learn more about the men you hope to meet (or never again see) in the future. While you should always maintain high standards, setting too many expectations will take away from the date. Relax, go with the flow and enjoy yourself. Be yourself. There’s a reason why people want to meet you: Because you are an amazing woman! While this is a simple piece of advice, so many times we try too hard to be the person we think others want us to be. Do you really want to date someone who doesn’t know the real you? Be yourself, whether it’s in describing yourself in your personal ad, over email communication or on your first date. Find an online dating site that works for you. Not all dating websites are a perfect fit for everyone. You may need to experiment with a variety of sites before finding one that is a match. Don’t take things personally. Not every date is going to be a perfect fit. Remember the saying: “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince?” Keep that in your back pocket while experimenting with online dating. You will meet the amazing and the not-so-amazing, so when things don’t work out, assess and move on. While I haven’t yet met the man of my dreams, online dating has been a worthwhile adventure. I’ve learned a lot about myself, which has unexpectedly become my success story in this sea of experiences. And am I finished experimenting? Not even close. This article was originally published on http://www.savvymiss.com, a free website community dedicated to connecting, empowering and informing women everywhere. www.SavvyMiss.com features articles on dating, love, careers, fashion, health, beauty and important societal issues. 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